I Can’t Think of a Clever Title
Ben Carson, serious political candidate, world-renowned neurosurgeon, second-most-popular Republican candidate for President of the United States, apparent raving lunatic:
“He has longstanding relationships down there,” Carson said. “Mahmoud Abbas of the Palestinian Authority and Ali Khamenei, the Supreme Leader of Iran, were both classmates in the class of 1968 at Patrice Lumumba University in Moscow where they became acquainted with a young Vladimir Putin.”
It goes without saying that this is untrue. For one thing, Khamenei and Abbas are both older than Putin by at least a decade. For another, although Abbas has the equivalent of a PhD. from PLU-M, he was initially educated at the University of Damascus and Khamenei did not attend for graduate or undergraduate studies; Putin is a graduate of Leningrad State University. There’s another, more important fact Carson’s overlooking, besides the trivia of world leaders’ educations: Khamenei is a Muslim cleric and the head of the Islamic Republic of Iran. And one of the reasons he (and more importantly Ruhollah Khomeini) overthrew the Shah’s regime was because it was overly secular and too willing to play ball with the United States. The Soviet Union was famous for its atheism, as is Communism. See the problem?
And the strange thing is, this policy of saying utterly deranged shit while sounding as though he’s high out of his mind on Ambien is apparently working; again, he’s polling second among all Republican candidates, after Donald Trump, who in addition to slandering entire nationalities in order to get a rise out of The Base has the advantage of being obscenely wealthy and white. This has had a trickle-down effect; candidates with polling numbers in the single digits (i.e., fucking everyone) have begun making strange, disturbing noises. Mike Huckabee tweeted that he’d sooner trust a North Korean chef around a Lab than Bernie Sanders (‘cuz, y’know, North Koreans are starving dog-eaters, while Bernie Sanders is a socialist and Huckabee’s not a racist at all, you guys), then advocated selling poor thieves into slavery. Jeb Bush got into a deeply, deeply stupid fight with Donald Trump about whether or not his brother kept Americans safe on 9/11. Rand Paul has gone fugging ballistic on Bernie Sanders, when he’s not livestreaming a campaign day and generally making an ass out of himself. And, of course, Ted effing Cruz. It makes you a bit frightened, to see a national political party which has weathered storms, recessions, wars, collapse into bitterness and infighting. Will there be a Republican Party in ten years? In fifteen? In twenty? Hell, in five?